And, so it was to be that a great plague would be cast over the land. It would be enacted upon the rising of the fourth new moon of every new year.
General Pollen had amassed a great army and would attack at sunrise for 90 days. The villages and livestock were struck yellow overnight and great suffering and misery began. As the siege endured, many turned to King Benadryl for protection. The king was a good king and he would provide as he was able, but he was old and could only do so much.
He said to his subjects: “Do you not want to sleep? Have I not protected you from bee stings and cat dander?”
The people were indeed groggy, but their noses were congested, and their eyes wept.
They replied, “Get thou behind me, Pollen.” The high priest brothers, Walgreen and Walmart, were very wise and had built many temples on many corners. It was there that Visine and her sister Kleenex sold the sacraments to be offered up by the people who suffered. Inside these temples a young prince, Claritin, crafted his skills and became powerful. For many years, Claritin’s strength was only known by healers who feared Claritin and would not allow his power to be shared without a prescription.
Yet the suffering continued, and the people became desperate and turned away from Benadryl.
They demanded of the high priest brothers that Claritin’s powers be made known to all. The healers yielded, and Claritin was named to the throne. Pollen had many weapons and Claritin fought Pollen’s army valiantly, still many cried out.
It was the prophets Johnson and Johnson who told of a brave warrior who could not be bested in any battle, a formidable solider who would turn back Pollen’s armies and bring relief to the masses. Born in Cetirizine and ordained by Pfizer as “the new freedom,” his name was Zyrtec.
Zyrtec went into the fields and laid down antihistamine.
And it was good.
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Written by the late Mark Smith Jr., re-published in the March-April 2020 issue of Lakelife magazine. Mark (1956-2019) was the Executive Editor of Lakelife magazine and a Vice President of Smith Communications, Inc. The winner of the 2018 Joe Parham Trophy, 1st place for humor columns in the Georgia Press Association, Mark’s humor columns appeared in each edition of Lakelife in 2019 and were popular with our readers. This is one of his columns which appeared in the April 19, 2019 issue of the Lake Oconee News newspaper.